It's Okay
by ribbonelle
Summary: Eridan Ampora could never run from doubt. It's just how he is. And yet he realizes that he might need to grow up.
1. Unsaid

It's the doubt that hurts you; that bitter, aching hole inside you and it won't go away. You hate yourself for it, but you can't help yourself. You need closure, and honestly you could just ask him about it. But you're too proud, too egotistical. Also, you're afraid that if you ask, his answer might be something you'd rather not hear. And besides, you know how people hate how insecure you are; you're pretty much talking from experience.

You refuse to lose him, but somehow you think he's slipping away nevertheless.

He's with his robots now, messing with their insides like usual, those pointed shades covering his eyes. You pretend that you're engrossed in this stupid human show featuring a man and his family, but you couldn't stop yourself from asking, "Dirk?"

The human looked up, turning his head towards you, 'Yeah?"

"Are you tired of me?"

"Do you really still need to be looking at your stupid machines?""

"They're not stupid, Eridan," Dirk said, a smirk curving one side of his mouth, and he turned his attention back towards Squarewave's open back, "I'll be done in a moment. I need to reconfigure this little dude; it won't take long."

You pull your knees up to your chin, hating the way you sound, "Well, you're taking long enough."

The sound of metal against metal resurfaced, and he wasn't looking at you the next time he spoke, "Do you need anything?"

"I need you to want me. And I need you to tell me you want me."

"Nothing. I'm just…cold." You half blurt-out the lie. Fuck. Don't lose your cool, Eridan, or he'll see right through you. And he'll find out how clingy you are, and he might leave. He might go back to Jake English. And you don't want that.

So you kept silent. You were silent as he reconfigured his rap-bot; you kept silent as he made his way to you, and sat down, an arm wrapping around your shoulders. You kept silent as you snuggled up to him for no reason, that same scowl still on your face. And you kept silent as he kissed the top of your head, chuckling slightly, most probably at your nuzzling.

"Feelin' warm now, Eridan?"

"Shut up," you growled, but with no anger whatsoever, and you kept your eyes trained on 'Family Guy' on the screen, forcing yourself to watch it. Because honestly, all you wanted to do was to kiss the daylights out of him; tell him how fucking flushed you are for him and ask him, justask him, what he really felt.

Because if he was tired of this; of you; you should just end this, before it hurts-.

Dirk planted a kiss at the side of your face, his lips grazing your fin, and he whispered, "Stop thinking, Eri. You think too much."

And for once, you decided to let it slide, turning your head upwards to kiss his lips. You guess you can ask him a little later. And enjoy whatever it is you have with him right now. While you can.


	2. Growing Up

"It's pretty fine if you think this isn't working out, you know," you shrug, your face a mask of indifference. "I mean, better if we end it before anyone gets hurt."

You decide you're getting good at this. No one could have guessed how hard you were breaking inside. But. Dirk walked up to you, a concerned expression on his face; but you can see the hope in his eyes. It definitely was there, alright.

"Eri, stop the bullshit. I'm not going anywhere." You would never know where you mustered up the strength to do it, but you rolled your eyes, pasting on the most casual smile you could.

"Dirk. Seriously. Jake would totally be yours now if you asked him," it hurt to see how his eyes brightened at that, but you continued, "Who are we kidding anyway? It was fun while it lasted. But hey, you have Jake. And I'm getting Fef back some way or another."

He paused, and you could see the gears in his human think pan turning. But not for long, of course. The smile that curved his lips at the moment was one of the most sincere ones you have ever seen him had, "Well then. I suppose it's a win-win situation."

And you kept that smirk on your face as your heart broke, laughing with him, feeling that dull, painful ache. And for once, you realize that you've grown up. You're no longer a whiny, selfish brat. You're Eridan Ampora and you are an adult. You love and are not loved in return.

And in some sick masochistic way, you're okay with that. No matter how much it hurts you, not matter how much you bleed.

You know you're lying to yourself, but you choose to ignore it. You're in love with him. But you're letting him go.


End file.
